Ctrl Z
In my earlier post, I had listed down things I want to do by the time I am 30 years old. I have to make a little change...scratch out the PhD. Oops!For the longest time, getting a PhD was my life goal. I think I had it since I was 18. And I've spent the most part of the last 10 months telling myself I would do it, and talking to people about it. I wanted to be just like the professors I respected, advance the field in Org Beh and show students new perspectives and how to think. But there was a nagging thought in my head, that I would end up sitting in a library gathering dust for 6 years, research a topic that would mean little to people, and at the end of the day - possibly knowing so much that I no longer make sense to myself and the world. Plus to get it done by 30 would mean heading back to school next year. And I realized .... I'm just not ready for this. It's kinda hard to admit this, "It's not what I want to do with my life." Funny I say that since I've already taken the TOEFL and have the GMAT exams looming in the horizon. The good is that all these exams can be applied to a Masters.
What's Plan B? I don't have one. And it feels wierd not knowing what to do next since I've mostly had an idea of where I'm heading in life. It's like a overhaul of ideals, and at this point, my only answer to every question about life: What do you want to do? Where do you want to live? What drives you? What are you passionate about? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I DON'T KNOW...
It's like I'm standing at the traffic light which has turned green. And I don't know if I should turn or go forward. One thing is for certain, I don't want to stay still. Even a runner in a marathon has checkpoints and mile markers to keep going and to know where to go. Or I could always do a Forrest Gump and just run for the fun of it. hah!
6 Comments:
so we have the same problem. I am not sure either where I will be in 5 years and what I really want to do in my future. Of course there are lots of things I want to do and on the other sights there aren't any things. I guess sometimes its just destiny. I am totally open and I will seize every chance that I get. Good Luck!
Miss you!!
Well, I only had my eureka moment around my 23rd birthday, so maybe yours is coming up soon.
Use this time in Malaysia as a time to really think and understand what it is you want to pursue.
Hope you're enjoying KL babe. *hugs*
I'm having a Ctrl-Z moment too. Too bad life's never that simple.
is that you, lier?
I'm happy for you for having made the decision not to go forward with the PhD. You sounded rather unsure over the phone and that uncertainty probably won't keep you in the library for 6 years.
Good luck in your search for the answers!
x
Scary to read as I have EXACTLY the same thoughts, questions, doubts... Well, I guess we are not the only ones... However, knowing the fact doesn't really solve the problem. Good luck babe! And tell me when you get there, wherever it is, so I can join you.
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